PPD once, PPD always?

These two, they are the lights of my life. Everything about my labor and delivery experience was different and unique with each of them. Thankfully, my postpartum self has been as well.

I remember when B was born I was so upset at everyone. I didn't feel a connection to him and I would get so mad when he cried. As soon as I found out I was pregnant with Ryker PPD was on my mind. It was like a black cloud that hovered over me my entire pregnancy. I just knew that I would have it again. I wasn't ready to struggle with it again and so desperately wanted to feel the full joy of having another baby. 

As soon as Ryker was born I knew I wouldn't be experiencing PPD. His birth was the most amazing experience ever. I felt so elated when they laid him upon me. You can tell by the pictures how perfect that moment was (I will not be sharing these. I look horrendous). I never once felt negative with Ryker. I felt like super woman and wanted the whole world to know I just birthed a baby. 

Fast forward to month number four. Ryker is a big bouncing baby and I'm still feeling rad. He makes me smile so often. He has his bad days but I just want to snuggle him. I feel sorry for him instead of angry. I feel connected to this sweet little boy. I feel connected to both my boys. I couldn't imagine I would love B and Ryker so much. They make my world go round.

I want everyone to know there is hope. If you want another baby but PPD is holding you back, go for it. Every situation is different and just because you experience it once doesn't mean it'll happen every time.