It's been quite a long time since I've taken to blogger. I've stopped reading many blogs and stopped writing here. There are times where I feel as if the things I have to say will effect no one. My words are appreciated, you know?
Lately I've been feeling very internal. I haven't really wanted to communicate with people and it physically hurts to throw myself out there. I sit here today toying with those same feelings. Being selfish, I just want to stay home. I want to crawl in a hole and stay there forever. It's not really beneficially to anyone though.
When the feelings surface, I tend to feel like I'm going to explode. I feel angry and emotional. I could sir on my couch all day, drowning in coffee, without a worry. This isn't fair to my family though.
I've became a master at dragging myself out of the house. I get dressed and barely look into a mirror. If I take that added second I could possibly change my mind. The boys need me to be out and about. They need to socialize and explore.
Last night I decided we'd start a lesson plan and really stick with it. I've made sure to include outings in the many activities just so i have zero excuse to stay indoors.
Being an introvert is no easy task. It's an internal struggle every day. I feel anxiety when I go out alone. I just know one of the boys aren't going to behave and I'm going to endure stares. I smile at people and hope that i wont have to exchange more then that. Socializing has quickly became a struggle all in itself. I never dreamed that I would posses such feelings. I've always considered myself outgoing and a people person. Things sure do change.