Pondering;

As I lay here next to my beautiful 10 month old, I find myself pondering what would we be doing if the sailor were here.  

It would be 11:15 in Virginia Beach right now. The last hour of Power Block would be blaring in the living room as I clean up from the fried egg sandwiches Chance begged me to cook. B and Roscoe would be out back frolicking or bothering Daddy as he tried to finish his shows and hunt for local car shows to head too. 

It's hard to believe that my husband has missed half of our sons life. He left when B was only 5 months old. Our little guy wasn't even sitting up and now he is running. Out of the 3.5 years we've been together Chance has been on two deployment. That's 16 months spent oceans apart. Out of those 3.5 years he's been gone at least another 12 months. States away or out somewhere floating at sea. 

With the end of deployment rushing upon us, I find myself in a panic. I have to find a new home, move in, & most importantly prepare my son to meet his Daddy. This is exciting and makes my stomach flop. The Navy leaves me with a feeling of joy. It keeps our love fresh. I get butterflies more often then not when my husband is near. It's always like we're falling in love. But how will B feel? He isn't find of men to say the least. He cries and rubs his face in my legs when men talk to him. My cousins and uncles try so hard to play with him and he won't have anything to do with them. This is scary for me. Chance and I have prepared for the worst when it comes to B. We've talked the situation over numerous times but I still can't imagine how I'd feel if my son cried when I tried to hold him. On this note, we must hope for the best. 

I can honestly say that the Navy is a blessing for us. My husband might be gone more often then not, but he's able to provide for us. B and I are beyond spoiled in every way. I drive a nice vehicle, we have nice clothes, & B is able to have anything he desires. We have great health insurance and I'm never worried about the bills. I will never take this for granted. I am extremely proud of my husband and I can only hope that B grows up to feel the same way about his Daddy.